you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
