Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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