She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
