It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
