Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
