I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Who died my cat blue again?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
