with your own penis?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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