he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
