I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
