Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
