then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
