My friends, they love my intelligence
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
