Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
