Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
