Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
