My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
