Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
