I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
