You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
