dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
