she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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