last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
