Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
