I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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