Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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