Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
