I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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