I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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