If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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