I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
