whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
