I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
