fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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