five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
