remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
