I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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