dude i'm inner monologue high
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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