I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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