Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
