This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
