There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
