youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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