we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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