Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
