ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
