I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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