im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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