I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
