So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
