Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
