so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
